First, an apology. It has been far too long since my last newsletter...five months, to be exact. Some of our recent subscribers who signed up for our newsletter were probably starting to wonder if there really was one. But as much as I enjoy writing, I’ve found that I enjoy being a dad and husband even more! I used to do most of my writing in the evenings and on the weekends, and now those are pretty much spoken for. After soccer, gymnastics, baseball, Math Monkeys, birthday parties, Bar Mitzvahs, helping change the aquarium water, bedtime reading, and the occasional anniversary (Happy 10th, Kim. I will get you a card eventually…I promise!), there just isn’t enough of me left anymore to do all the things I used to do. Which brings me to this month’s topic. What do you do when life dictates that you change; that your old routines are no longer viable?
The present economic environment that we find ourselves in is unlike anything that my generation (or even my parents’ generation) has ever experienced. While most of us have been through recessions before, this one will set a high-water mark that does and will continue to influence each of us in profound ways. If you haven’t lost your own job, you undoubtedly know several people who have. Maybe your own hours (and compensation) have been cut back and if you’ve found a new job, it is quite possibly in a new industry and maybe even doing something different than you did before or in a new location. Even if you’re one of the fortunate ones whose job and compensation have not been affected, there’s a good chance you’re working longer hours and doing so under more stress and pressure than ever before. I know very few people who are unaffected.
As stressful as some of our lives have become, I’m increasingly of the opinion that our current situation may in fact be one of the greatest gifts that many of us will ever get: a chance to hit the reset button. A do-over, of sorts. You see, a crisis is always made up of two different perspectives. The first is danger, but the second is opportunity. Both as individuals and as a society, our current crisis is an extraordinary opportunity to re-evaluate our jobs, our lives, our family situations, and even the very values that drive our decisions and behaviors each day.
But make no mistake. Hitting the reset button can be painful! With your computer, it often means losing hours, days or even months of work. In severe cases, it may even mean ceasing “normal operations”, reinstalling the entire operating system and losing months and even years worth of work and personal files. In our lives, hitting the reset button may be even more painful. It may mean losing the comfort zone of our current job, relinquishing material possessions and lifestyles that we’ve come to define ourselves by, or even adjusting the dynamics of our most important relationships. It may eventually mean letting go of the “we” that we thought we were.
When the entire screen of our lives just flat out locks up (except, I’m told, for Mac users), you begin to panic and hit the CTRL-ALT-DEL buttons…first tentatively, then furiously. Nothing. We’re stuck. Then fear, anger, frustration, regret and remorse set in. Why didn’t we hit “save” one final time? Why didn’t we back up our files or make better contingency plans? Why didn’t we check for the latest software updates and patches? Did someone send us a virus? How could “they” be so malicious?! I can never replace what was lost! Unfortunately, these emotions make no difference at all.
Gradually, the fear begins to moderate, reality sets in, and rationality returns. We let go of what used to be and just do it. We press the power button down and hold it for seven seconds. The screen goes dark. And then, after a little prayer, we hit the power button again…and the screen comes to life. At least the computer still works, we think!
Once we’ve rebooted, we then start the task of recreating. After assessing the severity of the problem, we develop our repair plan. We recreate the files we need for today and tomorrow. We reload only the most recently used applications. The old, archived programs and files that were lost? Maybe we don’t need those anymore anyway. And if we do need to reload applications (or even the entire operating system)? Well, let’s go with the most recent versions rather than the old ones that were so prone to failure in the first place. Heck, maybe it’s time to buy a whole new computer! As the repair process gets underway, hope, control and optimism return. Life goes on, and we usually find that we’re in a better (albeit different) place than when we started.
At the end of most days, I go to bed the same way I woke up that morning…an optimist. This is because of my confidence in the very nature of human beings. Biologically and physically, we are exceptionally well equipped to “reset” our lives as our environments dictate. At our core, we are 70% water. Have you ever noticed how easily water adapts to take on the shape of whatever new container holds it? Be it square, round, tall, short, skinny, wide, fancy, plain, plastic or crystal - water effortlessly settles right in. No fighting, no resisting, no rationalizing why it shouldn’t have to. The only time this isn’t the case is when the water freezes and becomes rigid.
The same is true for people. If we can just get past our fears of failure and loss, our deep-seated preference for the “tried and true”, the regrets we replay over in our heads for what we didn’t do yesterday, and the ridiculous worry about what others will think, then just maybe we can do the same. Ultimately, as my father told me when I was much younger, we’re not here for a long time, so we might as well be here for a good time!
