Work-life balance: Getting Rid of the "Dimmer Switch"

This past fall, I was in the middle of a client needs assessment interview when one of the managers made an interesting comment. Reflecting on the pace of work within his organization, he said, "You know, there really is no down time for me. I basically just have a dimmer switch". It wasn't a complaint, just a statement of fact. The more I've thought about his comment, the more I've come to realize just how many other people are caught up in the same sense of 24/7 work-induced mania. Some even develop a sense of personal pride around just how accessible they are.

A casual observer might conclude that this inability (or unwillingness) to detach from work is simply a sign of the Blackberry times in which we live. Maybe. But I wonder what this diminished ability to disconnect from work might be costing us as families and as a society. I have more than a few clients and friends who directly link this "dimmer switch" mindset to family and marital distress, sleep problems, poor health habits, or a seemingly perpetual state of stress and anxiety.

Personally, I wonder what it's costing me and my own family sometimes. While I probably have more scheduling flexibility than most, that sense of urgency to make the last phone call, get the proposal done, get the website updates submitted and/or send that message are very much alive and well in my work DNA. There is rarely a time when I feel "done" with everything work related. And even though I know better, I sometimes feel guilty for not working that last extra bit. This is not something I'm proud of or like to admit!

It's extremely important to me that I regularly make myself available physically, mentally and emotionally for my wife and kids. Exercise and other non-work pastimes are also important. Accordingly, I have resorted to a few choice techniques to help the process of detaching at day's end. Here's a few I'm pretty good at:

• New role, new clothes. No matter what I wear to work, my wife Kim reminds me to change clothes when I walk in the door (or out of my home office) at dinner time. There's something about physically changing my apparel that symbolically breaks the work connection.
  
  
• Affirm the transition. Those who know me well know that I am a loyal proponent to affirmations and mental conditioning. Besides personal experience, the most recent research in the area of neural linguistics suggests that there is no behavior change "tool" which is more powerful. During the 10 minutes prior to switching roles at the dinner hour, my self-talk sounds something like this: "More and more, when I am with my children, I focus only on them. I realize that they are only young for the blink of an eye and I feel tremendous satisfaction to witness and be part of their young lives".
  
  
• Sever the work umbilical. For me (and I'm far from perfect in this effort), this means turning off my cell phone, NOT opening the mail or checking e-mail, and physically closing my home office door. Kim and the kids usually have my undivided attention until after homework is done, stories are told, and cheeks are kissed good-night.

What do you think?
Based on some of the e-mail messages I get from people at 9, 10 and even 11:00 PM some nights, I like to think that I'm a bit better than average at managing the competing demands of work and family. But I'm certainly not a pro. My kids are only 6 and 4 years old respectively and I suspect work-life balance will not get easier as they get older.

The way I see it, we're all in this game together. So, here's your chance to put your two cents in. For all of you who have your own techniques for shorting out the work "dimmer switch", tell me what you think. I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas. Next month's newsletter will be a composite of the best ideas submitted.