Keeping the “Happy” in Happy New Year

As we begin the New Year, I thought it appropriate to explore the very greeting that so many of us share with one another this time of year. My unscientific assumption is that most of us want very much to be happy. For me, it’s like a dashboard indicator that the myriad pieces that make up my life are generally working well and are in harmony with each other. But how do you find it? I’ve long heard that happiness is a journey, not a destination. Others have opined that happiness is a choice we make (or not) each day. Both notions are true of course, but they’re not the whole story.

New Research on Happiness
There have been several studies published recently which have explored the notion of happiness on a much more thorough and scientific basis than ever before. In her new book, The How of Happiness, University of California Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky concluded that as much as 50% of a person’s capacity to be [consistently] happy is either genetic or set through social conditioning by age 16. Another 10% is determined by their present life circumstances (financial, relationships, work, etc.). And that leaves about 40% that’s determined by something else. According to Lyubomirsky, that “something else” is our attitude, disposition, our intention and our expectations.

Implications
The so-what of this research is that, yes, some people do in fact have an easier time being and staying happy. While to some, this may be a bit depressing, it’s actually okay with me. There will always be people smarter than me on certain topics, more skilled at certain tasks, and “wired” a bit more soundly in certain areas (just ask my wife). The good news is that I still am in control of at least 40% of what results in my level of happiness on a day-to-day basis. In fact, because my belief is that my life circumstances are also mostly shaped by the decisions I make and actions I take, I’m actually capable of controlling about 50% of my happiness variables…and that’s just in the short run.

Happiness and Relationships
There is another important, new finding on happiness that is also worth noting. In his book, Stumbling on Happiness, Professor Daniel Gilbert notes that almost all happiness is experienced within the context of our relationships with other people. While certain discreet events (like winning a prize, or accomplishing a goal) may bring some level of individual pleasure, the most sustainable happiness events are either experienced or practiced within the context of others in our lives. Supporting this notion, Lyubomirsky’s research participants who did not have healthy, satisfying relationships generally rated themselves as less happy on her subjective Happiness Quiz.

It’s also interesting to know a little about the relationship between happiness and money. While we’ve all heard that money can’t buy happiness (or love), there are some situations where it actually can. But there are a few conditions that need to be considered. According to Gilbert, money will only contribute to a person’s happiness if 1) you spend it right, 2) you’ve come from relatively low means to start with, 3) you have more of it than most of the others within your circle of family, friends and associates.

What We Can Do
My conclusion is that there are a few very simple things that each of us can do on a regular (daily?) basis that will stack the happiness deck in our favor.

• Practice the art of gratitude. Regularly focusing the brain on those things in life that we are already happy for, conditions it to find that state more and more easily. One recent study by Professor Richard Davidson from the University of Wisconsin-Madison found that people who spend 30 minutes each day focusing on kindness, compassion and gratitude actually began to change the synaptic hard-wiring in their brains within as little as two weeks.
• Get your self-talk in check. Let’s face it, it’s practically impossible to experience happiness when your self-talk is to keep reminding yourself how miserable, unfortunate and bad off you are. Get in the habit of speaking to yourself the way you’d like to be…even when you’re not quite there yet.
• Focus on nurturing quality relationships. Whether at home, at work, or within the community at large, become a people builder. There is nothing quite as powerful as the force of kindness, gratitude, and friendship directed towards others that boomerangs right back at you.
• Seek out other happy people. You know those people who tend to bring you down, no matter how up you are? Limit your exposure to them. And if there are some with whom (because of circumstance) you must interact, make sure to off-set them with plenty who see the glass as half full and build you up. Some of the most important choices we make in life will be the ones about the people with whom we decide to surround ourselves.

Moving forward
My colleague and good friend Sue Thomas recently shared a quote with her readers from author and University of California professor John Schaar. While not specifically about happiness, it does speak profoundly about the pursuit of and journey towards it.

"The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and their destination."

Happy New Year…may 2008 be your best yet!